What to do with myself?

This will sound petulant but when is this going to change? I AM BORED!!!!!!!

A wise one once said, ''You are only bored because you are boring.''

Well, I may be boring but I could be so very exciting if I could use my arm in the kitchen for more than a half hour, good God man, I have been reduced to 20 minute fritter quickies! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! LOL!

Ok, it's a little bit out of my system. I am getting desperate, accepting things I should not be accepting-don't ask, for Gods sake don' t ask. I could totally rock this opportunity, thing is, I don't seem to be having good juju with my shoulder yet but I gotta earn that cabbage to pay for life. I want to make something fancy or delightful and fun like in the pic I snagged from someone elses lucky baking moment. How pathetic am I when I am drooling over other people's kitchen time, wishing it were my own? Answer=VERY! :D I am laughing at myself as I write, so I still have perspective and that's a little bit of alright.

I need this to heal and I am mostly freaked out because this is about my passion, my love, happy times, my livelihood, meeting my sons needs, my dream being fulfilled and what I know I am good at being taken away. Yeah, that hurts the most.

It takes some people no time to figure out what they do well, others some time or alot of time and then there are those who never seem to figure it out. I am definitely in the second group and the biggest hurdle has always been confidence. I know things and have been trained but to this day, to my great shame, I still walk into kitchens and act like I know nothing when people are training me. Why? Well, one valid reason is because one should never act like a snot nosed know-it-all in another professionals kitchen and the second reason, I always get myself so nervous I screw things up. I am my own worst enemy when I am nervous, tests freak me out and I can't perform when I am being ''observed and scored''. I am totally capable and ready to pick up and fly but getting into my comfort zone is an agonizing process. Strange thing is, I feel able and happy in the kitchen, more so than anywhere else. All things in due time I suppose, childhood leaves it's mark and my experiences are not pleasant but I have found a place in the world of food which is most joyous. I need to rest my weary shoulder and dream up some new goodies, I may sneak in a new recipe and if it's not too much try to bake something this weekend-wrangling my son to help will be a good idea. Time to teach him how to make ackee and saltfish with fried plantain and bake some slammin goodies, I will be putting up recipes and pics when we finish this weekend just give it some time. I am off to dream of gas ovens, dough with lovely fillings and my hands piping on some cute cupcakes. Sweet dreams indeed!