Drift in & out...

Today was a day for friends, old & new alike. After what was a fantastic weekend with the one I love-we had cupcakes, brunch, laughter, and waterfront time complete with ducks and skittles! What more could I ask for? Yes, he got brownie points big time for being Mr. Wonderful.
I woke up today to clouds and eventual rain, I love the rain. It's like an old friend who I cherish and enjoy everytime they show, I know it depresses people, but I was always a water baby and that will never change!
I give thanks for all of the laughter and joy I have been able to be a part of, although things may be difficult and stressful, I have time with those I love which lifts me up.

There are so many feelings I run through in a day, I feel exhausted when night falls. When we are children, feeling is so basic, automatic and quite small. As we age we are inundated with waves of emotion, responses to multiple life situations, judgements to make, experiences to gain, things and people to lose or come closer to, dissapointments, triumphs and even the need for quiet, distance, contemplation of more feelings. I don't recall anyone ever preparing us for all of this. It's amazing how society and all of us in it are expected to function at an optimal level, when most of us don't know the rules, let alone have a guidebook. I am not speaking of spirituality, I am referring to the physical nature of being, the ins & outs of day to day that seem so mundane but can be so baffling.
I find myself questioning so much, backtracking, searching for a better way to approach, be connected, disconnect, be genuine, beyond coping and making it through. I want to overstand how others can grasp life with such tremendous knowing, confidence, belief, surity.
I want to get it to the point where I can implement it and roll.
I only remember three places I ever felt that strength, in the pool when I used to be an athlete, in the kitchen, and the third, well, it's not for here but it's one of the strongest days I have ever known.
I keep repeating Khalil Gibran: When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
As he so eloquently put it, I would very much like,
"To melt and be like a running brook that sings it's melody into the night."

Somedays I wear this fleshy cage better than others it would seem. It sounds so strange, I know, but I understand it and oddly enough, I feel that God does too.